Editor’s Note: I get asked a lot of random questions about what it is like to live in Las Vegas. I’ve been here for the better part of five years, and the questions never cease. This is an interview Lindsay – aka Hogga — from The Traveller World Guide recently did with me about life as a Las Vegan. She’s also the brains and talent behind the hilarious Web site, Chicken Chunk. The questions are hers, the cartoons are hers. The reality of life in Vegas? All mine. Special thanks goes out to the most recent Worst Date of My Life, because had I not messaged her to ask her to draw a cartoon of the experience (yes, it was that ridiculous), this little fun would not have happened. Hope you enjoy!
Hogga: Are you a stripper? If you’re not, why? I hear they make mad cash. I would take my shirt off for a free slice of pizza!
D: No, not a stripper … yet. Although, now with the whole work-for-me thing (I recently quit my job), it could definitely be a possibility. I used to tell people I was a stripper when they asked me what on earth I did for work in Las Vegas. After they shot me that “yeah, whatever” look, I’d always fess up and say I was in PR.
H: How are you not dead yet? Or in more proper terms, do people who LIVE in Vegas party all the time or is that just the tourists?
D: Some of us party like we’re tourists. Most of us don’t. I’ve definitely have my days/nights of debauchery, followed by the misery of being hungover, wishing I was anywhere but Vegas. For the most part, us Las Vegans are pretty smart and know our limits in terms of no last call, free entry to the clubs and all of the other hook-ups you get as a local. Those who do party all of the time and live here a) work in the industry; b) refuse to get past the college party years, even though they are well past college age; c) have a death wish.
H: Do you live on the strip? Or above a strip club?
D: I actually live on Las Vegas Blvd., but not what is considered The Strip. Although I tell everyone it is for dramatic effect and general awesomeness.
H: Do you get yelled at my prostitutes on the street like in the movies? You’re totally friends with a transvestite aren’t you?
D: I don’t get yelled at by the prostitutes, but I do get harassed by the people pushing the escorts on The Strip. Sadly, I have no trannies in my life right now.
H: I tried to get some free shit from Vegas for when I go there in June. But they said “No, we hate you”. Why Vegas no like me? Do you get free shit?
D: I’ll get you free shit. Or, close to free shit with my magic key card for a bar that gives us pretty decent deals. Why do they hate you? I love you. They’re on crack.
H: I have a gambling problem. Seriously I’m not allowed to bring my cards with me when I go to the Casino. Living in Vegas, are you a pro? If so, could you give me some tips on how to not loose all my money?
D: Yeah, don’t gamble.
H: What are the guys like in Vegas? I’m single and easy when I’m drunk.
D: Oh, dear god. Guys in Vegas are a breed all of their own. I went on a date recently with one dude from another country (who had been here for 15 years). He rolled up to the bar super late, wearing sunglasses and a dirty, smelly suit and then proceeded to tell me all about himself for 90 minutes. When it came time for the bill, he acted all innocent and asked me what the protocol is for dates in America. Dick. And then there are others who aren’t that bad … but for the most part, this town is slim pickings. I always joke with my parents that if I want to get married and have kids, Las Vegas isn’t the place for me. But, I do like it here. In fact, I have at least 25 reasons why I love Las Vegas.
H: Is Vegas expensive? I’ve been told if I act like a high roller I’ll get lots of free stuff. But I’m a pretty bad liar and kinda lazy.
D: If you’re a high roller (or pretend you are), then you get heaps for free. Vegas can be expensive, but it can also be dirt cheap. Stick with me, Hogga, I’ll show you the ropes of cheap Vegas and how to survive a Vegas vacation.
H: If I came to Vegas, other than obviously wanting to wine and dine me, plus see me neked, what’s would you take me to do?
D: Hmmm. I’d take you downtown to the hipster bars and artsy stuff, out of town for fresh air and killer views, and to see “Absinthe” because it’s a nice mix of raunchy good times, roller skating and boobs.
H: Question is the lastest – what would you feed me? I like food and I demand a good meal.
D: Whatever you want. My current favorite place is Le Thai in downtown Las Vegas. Inexpensive and delicious Thai food. Or, I’d take you to one of the restaurants I used to do PR for to get a cheese plate, wine and oysters. Game?