The most horrifying Thailand moment

Written by on April 23, 2014 in Blog, Thailand - 7 Comments

Today started like normal.

6 a.m.: Mr. Lucky starts digging between my pillows and pulls out The Bloggess‘ new book, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” (which, BTW, is super hilarious).

6:05 a.m.: I kick Mr. Lucky out of the room.

6:30 a.m.: I. Am. Awake. Damnit.

6:45 a.m.: I get ready for work, lock my front door and head out of my house.

6:47 a.m.: I am about 10 feet from my front gate. If that. And there. On the ground. Is THE most horrifying thing I have seen since I have been in Thailand. [Ed. Note: OK, not THE most horrifying thing I have seen. I work in elephant tourism, so there are PLENTY of horrifying things I have seen here. But, for dramatic purposes, THIS is THE most horrifying thing.]

At first, I don’t really notice it. I have glasses, but live in constant denial that my vision is deteriorating rapidly. So, when I first look down on the ground, I simply see a thick black line against the graying pavement.

Then, I get closer.

And, it isn’t a thick black line at all. It is more like a pitchfork.

I get even closer.

It is a pitchfork with a hook at the end of the straight bit.

And, the pitches? They are more link pincers.

Then, it is no longer blurry.

It is the largest, most ugliest thing I have seen in 2014. A scorpion. Dead, but still.

A dead scorpion in Thailand

I had to put my foot next to the dead scorpion in order for you to see how mammoth this little jerk is. HUGE.

I gasp. Loudly.

I have seen a few scorpions since I have lived here. Always dead. Always on the road. And, always near my house. Why are they always dead on the road? I have no idea. But, let me tell you — I am glad they are.

They are the big, gross, black kind. The ones you cannot kill because, I mean, they are huge. And did I already say gross? ‘Cause that, too.

Last year, when I first got my cats, and the dead scorpions started to pop up, I got Google obsessed with them. My little Thai house is not sealed, and I begin to fear the worst: big, stinger-weilding scorpions sneaking into my home through lord-knows what openings in the middle of the night. Scary scorpions crawling on my bed. Being chased by my cats. Which made me start to Google if a sting from these nasty things could kill my cats. (They can’t — it is the little tree scorpions to look out for. I’ve never seen them near my house, but I am sure those little bastards are there.)

So, at 6:47 a.m., I whipped out my phone (hence how I knew the exact time of my Dead Scorpion Discovery) and snapped this scary as shit photo.

I am just so thankful the little devil was not alive.

What would you do if you came face-to-face with a living scorpion?

My friend and I were discussing this very question after my little encounter this morning.

I’m a chicken when it comes to bugs that can crunch underfoot. I mean, I let a cockroach live in my bathroom because 1) He (yup, I am going with the idea that the cockroach was a male) was gigantic. The biggest one I have seen. The mere thought of catching him, let alone killing him, made me anxious. 2) I kinda wanted to see what it would be like to have a pet cockroach. I watched Wall-E. They all can’t be bad, right? And, if these guys can outlive nuclear stuff, then they certainly deserve a chance to live in my bathroom.

I digress. Anyway, I am pretty sure I would freak the hell out if I saw a live scorpion in my house. I’m a single gal, living alone. If there was one of those massive black creatures in my house, I would scream. Loudly. And silently (or possibly while screaming) curse the fact that I am single and no one near me speaks English. Then, I would grab a broom and sweep it outside. I wouldn’t kill it because I hate killing things, and that thing is just too big, so I would sweep it down into the sewers and let a rat or something enjoy a plump dinner.

I know there are plenty of, um, exotic bugs in Thailand. And most I can live somewhat in harmony with. But, scorpions? Hell. No.

About the Author

Diana Edelman is a travel writer and expat currently residing in Chiang Mai, Thailand. In 2010 she quit her job in PR to go on a solo backpacking adventure and tackle her 30-Life-Crisis. After seven months abroad, journeying throughout Europe and Africa, she returned to America and relocated to Las Vegas. Following a year-long stint back in PR, she once again quit her job to follow her dreams; this time her journey took her to the elephants and Elephant Nature Park where she is involved with raising awareness about responsible elephant tourism. Recently, Diana was named a finalist in the Destinology Travel Bloggy Awards for travel writing. She has been a regular contributor to Viator and recently served as the Las Vegas contributor for OneTravel.com and CheapOair.com. Her work has appeared in print and online, including The Huffington Post, Matador Network, Travel + Escape, Vegas Seven, World Nomads and more.

7 Comments on "The most horrifying Thailand moment"

  1. Steph April 24, 2014 at 8:50 am · Reply

    ugggh, We have scorpions here in Mexico too although I don’t think they get that big. Thankfully I have only ever seen one, at someone else’s house.
    I laughed about the cockroach because for a week or so we had a giant wolf spider co-habitating in our bathroom. Neither of us could bring ourselves to kill him so we made him our pet. His name was Wolfie. One day he just climbed out the window and left. Or he died. either way he hasn’t been around lately…

  2. Camille - This American Girl April 24, 2014 at 11:13 am · Reply

    Oh girl… I STEPPED BAREFOOT ON ONE. Yep, in Kuta, Lombok I walked out onto my porch (keep in mind I was staying with a family in the rice fields) first thing in the morning and all of a sudden felt shooting pain and saw a scorpion run away. Apparently tiger balm did the trick and all pain was gone in half an hour.

    • Diana May 6, 2014 at 3:23 am · Reply

      NONONO. Oh my god. My foot aches for you!! Tiger balm worked, eh?? WOW!! I hope I never experience a scorpion sting. They are like these horrid beasts that do not fit into the “insect” category!!

  3. Michele {Malaysian Meanders} April 24, 2014 at 10:50 pm · Reply

    In Texas, I used to use an organic pest control company… until the day I found a scorpion on the blanket next to my baby. Then, it was full on chemical blast of pesticides to eradicate everything.

    • Diana May 6, 2014 at 3:22 am · Reply

      That sounds horrific!!!

  4. Caroline May 1, 2014 at 12:40 am · Reply

    Never knew that scorpions existed in Thailand. I always associated them with deserts for some reason…

    • Diana May 6, 2014 at 3:20 am · Reply

      Oh, they most certainly do!!! Blech.

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